Sherlock vs GPS
by ladyluck23
Summary: John and Sherlock are off to a new and private case, but what happens when Sherlock gets angry at the rental car's GPS? One off, light, humorous.


Sherlock was waiting at 221b for John to return, they were on their way to solve a new crime just outside of London for a client; a high profile murder. While the scene of the crime wasn't very far, the client wanted to be sure that no one would know he hired Sherlock as the detective. As such, taking a cab was out of the question, and so was public transportation – although this was always out of the question for Sherlock, as he did not want to be around mundane people longer than need be, and their constant talking gave him one hell of a migraine. Sherlock, as impatient as ever, was sitting in his armchair plucking the strings of his violin as he tried to resist the urge of shooting at a photo of Moriarty he stuck to his door.

Hurry Up.

-SH

Sherlock was waiting for John to get back from renting a car. After an hour of bickering about why Sherlock couldn't come with John (for the obvious reason that if the people at the rental place didn't recognize him from his coat, his deductions and snide remarks would certainly give him away), and waiting for an eternity for John to pick it up, he finally arrived.

After hearing the honk from the road, Sherlock jumped out of his seat, gently placed his violin down, and briskly walked down the stairs to the smartcar that was waiting. John looked at him, extremely displeased and pointed to Sherlock (stunned wondering what happened to the back end of the car) to get in the passengers seat. "You rented THIS?" He sat down with his knees up to his face and tried to adjust his seat, but after realizing it didn't go back further he gave up and forced his seatbelt into its holder.

Sherlock began to look around and was repulsed by what he saw. The door had been broken (at least three times) and the handle was put back on shoddily, the car was in at least two accidents looking at the state of the interior, and there were bodily fluids on the dash of the car from what could only be from a hooker and a businessman who somehow fornicated in this extremely enclosed space. "You're doing it again, I don't even want to know," John said looking at him displeased and recognizing his 'deduction face'. "I want out, I want a cab," Sherlock said.

Sherlock started to get out of the car when John held him back, "do you really want to ruin this for everyone?" He knew he shouldn't have asked that question because as soon as the words left his lips, Sherlock kept getting out of the car. "Look, will you just come back?" John gave Sherlock an angry and disappointed face and motioned to get back in the car. Reluctantly, Sherlock got back in the car, fastened up his seatbelt and sat without saying a word. "Thank you," John said and they started to drive off.

"I just want to know why I can't drive." Sherlock sighed and looked out the window. John peered over at Sherlock who was staring down the lady in the car beside them, "Because last time you almost killed us after you decided to chase someone down who cut you off, and the only reason we weren't arrested for going 200km/h was because, luckily, Lestrade was driving to work, saw you, and let you off with a warning." "He was driving wrong and cut me off when I clearly had the right away, it was MY right of way, and he decided to take my spot." Sherlock was getting worked up again and started using his hands to explain the scene of his most recent illegal driving stunt, as soon as he was getting red John decided to cut him off. "You have road rage, you can't stand when someone drives improperly or doesn't follow the rules, and you decide to take action into your own hands and go after whoever it is that does something wrong." "SOMEONE SHOULD! THE POLICE CERTAINLY AREN'T." Sherlock was now really worked up and tried to turn sideways from John but ended up knocking his knee on the dash and hitting the GPS. "This bloody vehicle is unsafe and stupid, not to mention it's covered in semen and sweat." John looked as if he was going to throw up "I said I didn't want to know."

John started to fiddle around with the dial and turn on some music when he noticed the GPS. "Never seen one of these before, wonder if they really work…" Sherlock looked at him annoyed and sighed "No they're slow and always relay the wrong routes." John ignored him and pressed the address of the case into the system. Immediately, a Robotic female voice told them to keep taking the A40. "Obviously," Sherlock said.

They continued towards their destination, with Sherlock muttering every once and awhile about the driving of some of the people on the road. "Listen, you don't need to comment on everything that's going on, I can see." Sherlock looked at John and let out a sarcastic grunt, "not very well if you can't see that the driver in front of you is breaking over 6 rules of the road." Just then the GPS spoke up and told them to take the next exit left. Sherlock let out a long sigh, "NO! NO! NO! Taking the next exit left will mean we need to get off at Harrow Road, meaning we will need to backtrack at least five blocks, John stay on the road."

John sighed and agreed to follow Sherlock's orders since he knew he'd just get yelled at if he didn't. The GPS then chimed in again "keep left, exit in 500 m." Sherlock sat up straight in his seat and looked right at the GPS. "No we are not keeping left, we are not taking the route you are providing. It is _wrong." _The GPS repeated the statement, "keep left, exit in 300m". Sherlock was getting extremely angry and started to turn the GPS off, but it wouldn't go, it was stuck.

"John, how do you turn this bloody thing off.." Sherlock was now pressing all the buttons but nothing was working. He tried holding down the home button but the GPS just kept talking, "keep left, exit approaching." "No, this is not the exit we are taking have you not _heard _me?" Sherlock was now pounding on the dash with his fist ready to break the GPS system. "SHERLOCK! Enough!" John was also getting extremely irritated. "You either shut up and sit still and tell me where we are going, or you are getting out of the car." Sherlock smirked and looked at John again with a glint in his eye, "why would you even offer me that option, John? It means I get to go to the case in a cab, what I wanted to do in the first place, and you get to drive there in this god forsaken vehicle with that annoying piece of technology." Sherlock sat and crossed his arms, indicating he had won the argument.

John just kept his eyes on the road as the GPS piped up again, "recalculating route… Keep left and take next exit." Sherlock looked like he was about to punch the system until it shut up before John spoke up, "You don't have any money on you, remember you used the last of it to pay someone from your homeless network to spy on that elderly lady because she took the last loaf of pumpernickel at the store." Sherlock huffed and unfolded his arms, trying to move around the car, "old bat is going to die anyway, I don't see why _I _couldn't have that loaf. Did you see the twitching in her left hand…"

"Keep left, exit approaching."

"Oh SHUT UP!" Sherlock screamed at the GPS, wound his fist back, and let a punch out so hard the entire system shattered and fell out of the dash. John looked in disbelief from the road, to the GPS system, to Sherlock, who was huffing and gallantly trying not to show that the punch had hurt his hand. "Alright, that's it, you're out!" John yelled at Sherlock has he took the next exit off the A40 and stopped at a side road. He turned off the engine and looked at Sherlock "Get out, I warned you. I don't want to drive with you, I'll go to the case alone." Sherlock laughed and looked at John, "they hired _ME_, not you!" John looked at Sherlock, extremely irritated, "yes, but they know I always work with you and when I tell them you were busy, they'll show me around and not you. OUT."

Sherlock could tell that John wasn't joking around and undid his seatbelt, opened the door, and slowly and painfully climbed out of the car. He stood there and looked at John who was glaring back at him. "Do you know how much it costs to replace the GPS system? 300 quid! Which, as you know since you're _so smart, _is not the only thing that happens, no, I get fined and a black mark put against my name for the future!" Sherlock stood there as John yelled at him on the side of the road. People were walking by and pointing to both men muttering words such as "domestic.." and pointing out that it was the famous Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective.

One man walked by the car, stopping in his tracks and looked at the men for a while before deciding to yell, "OI! YOU THE FAMOUS DETECTIVE EH? WHERE'S YA HAT? THE ONE WITH THE FLAPS?" Sherlock looked up from John harassing him from the car and glared menacingly at the man who stood only ten feet away from him. "I don't _wear that hat," _he said as he gritted his teeth together.

Fed up with everything, Sherlock slammed the door on John, who was still yelling at him, popped his collar and started to sulk off down the road. He stopped at the nearest ATM, withdrew 50 pounds, and hailed a cab home. He'd check the crime scene out later. Right now, all he wanted to do was put his gun to good use.


End file.
